Playtime

Today's class was so much fun! It really felt like playtime. In the past, I've mostly felt like back bends and handstands veer towards dangerous and scary territory. It's physical and SO emotional. Today however, had such a different quality. I felt such trust and comfort with whom (who?) ever I happened to pair up with. I knew I was safe. And when my partner and I did the scary things we didn't know we could do, we wanted more. Mmmm, I love that. Moving through the fear into fun. Into exploration. Into openness.

My thoughts these days are mostly around Lulu Time; that time when everything for me is turned up a notch. The colors run brighter, thoughts are clearer and comfortable, my body more tuned-into itself. And I carry that with me throughout the rest of the day. I WANT to remain connected and find myself doing so with other's in my life. I WANT to do the homework. I WANT to be engaged. I WANT to appreciate. Much of the time it feels like work. I have to push or remind myself appreciate and engage.

This also brings to mind the question Sara had about the woman with the obvious eating disorder. When she brought it up, I wanted to ask, "Is she new to yoga?" I guess this is because I figured if she was new, and if she was willing, the practice would eventually touch those deeply hungry parts of her. That was my experience. I had been to twelve-step and EDA meetings. Although I had benefited, could appreciate and intellectualize what was going on, it took really being in relationship with my body, with my breath, and with my whole being, to be fed. It's not that I had to make or will myself to start starving or stop vomiting; I simply didn't have to anymore.

It's Wednesday night. I know I shouldn't go here, but it's too late. I'm already getting sad that this experience is coming to an end. Whew, attachments abound, eh?